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Clara methoD
OF de-escalation

CLARA method is named after the first letter of each of the steps:
Calm, Listen, Affirm,  Respond, Add. 

You can use the CLARA Method to address anyone who is verbally attacking others, or behaving unruly, or when a difficult conversation is needed. The CLARA Method helps you model compassionate, kind, empathic listening and communication to help de-escalate a situation and bring harmony.

1. Calm and center

Many of us – when we feel threatened, attacked, or put on the spot – need to internally calm and center ourselves before we can honestly be engaged in listening.

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  • Focus on breathing in calm with in-breaths and releasing stress with out breaths

  • Be aware of what’s supporting you (the ground, chair, your bones and muscles, love...)

  • Put one hand over your heart & one over your stomach

  • Imagine carrying something you love: baby, pet, plant

  • Meditate, pray, or affirm a mantra in silence

  • Call on the courage of your heroes

2. Listen

Research shows that communication is conveyed by 55%, or more, in body language; 38% by the voice: its accents, tone, emphases, pauses and inflections; and only 7% by actual words.

  • Listen until you hear the moral principle that they’re speaking from or a feeling or experience that you share

  • Listen until you find a way in which you can open your heart and connect with them

  • Try to understand what lies at the core of what’s being said: the fear, the uncertainty, the anger, the truth offered by the person talking.

  • Seek common ground

  • Be mindful of body language, yours and theirs

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In a debate, when you’re listening to your opponent, you listen until they get their facts completely wrong and you can use the real facts to make a fool of them. Instead, in CLARA, listen until you hear the moral principle that they’re speaking from or a feeling or experience that you share. Listen until you find a way in which you can open your heart and connect with them. Try to understand what lies at the core of the questions: the fear, the uncertainty, the anger, the frustration, the truth offered by the person talking to you. What might their voice inflection or emotional state tell you? What assumptions might their question demonstrate? If you know the person, this may help you answer these questions, but it’s still important to listen carefully. What do they really want to know? What is legitimate? If you believe that they don’t really want to know anything, but are just attacking you, consider what part of their question might be considered reasonable by others in the audience (or within earshot, if you’re not formally speaking to a group). It’s also important to listen to what the person is actually saying. In trying to understand what might be behind the question or comment, we don’t want to miss what the person literally said.

3. affirm

This is the step we don’t usually think about in a conscious way. Express the connection that you found what you listened to, whether it’s a feeling, an experience, or a principle that you have in common with the other person. Affirm whatever you can find in their question or statement(s) that represents a reasonable issue or a real fear. If you can’t find anything (and we’ll help you get better at finding something), there are other ways to affirm. The exact words don’t matter – the important part is to convey the message that you’re not going to attack or hurt the other person and that you know that they have as much integrity as you do. To actually be affirming, this step must be genuine, rather than sweet or slick talking. It’s also generally best to speak spontaneously from the heart rather than to develop ―pat answers. Share of yourself. Affirming is not a natural process for many of us, but it gets easier with practice.

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  • Express the connection found when you listened (feeling, experience, or principle in common) and some reasonable concern.

  • The exact words don’t matter— the important part is to convey that you won’t attack or hurt the other person and you know they have as much integrity as you do.

  • But you must be genuine & speak spontaneously from the heart rather than developing “go to” responses in advance

  • Share of yourself

4. respond

We often start here. Wait. Listen. Affirm. Debaters, politicians, and sometimes the rest of us often avoid answering the question that was asked and answer a different question in order to stay in control of the situation, not lose the debate, etc. Instead, in CLARA, answer the question. Respond to the issue the person raised. If you agree with them, say that too, even if it feels like you’re giving up some ground. By doing this, you’re conveying the message that you’re not afraid of the other person and that their questions and concerns deserve to be taken seriously. If you don’t know the answer, say so. Refer them to other sources if you have some or tell them you’ll find out the answer if that seems appropriate. Sometimes it seems that the person does not really want information but is simply trying to fluster you or attack you. Reacting with respect rather than defensiveness or anger is important; it shows respect when a question or statement of this nature is addressed rather than ―blown off. Personal insights and experiences often reach people in a way that abstract facts do not.

  • Respond to the issue the person raised, don’t veer off.

  • If you agree with them, say that do, even if it feels like you’re losing ground.

  • If you don’t know the answer, say so.

  • Refer them to other sources

  • Sometimes it seems the person is only trying to fluster or attack you.

  • Reacting with respect rather than defensiveness and anger is important. It conveys that you are powerful enough to withstand aggression and respond honestly

One person responding verbally to anothe

5. Add

Step five gives you a chance to share additional information that you want to give the person. It may help the other person or the audience to consider the issue in a new light or redirect the discussion in a more positive direction. This is a good time to state whatever facts are relevant to the questions the person asked. This may involve correcting any mistaken facts they mentioned; you can do this now because now that you’ve made a heart connection, the other person is probably more open to hearing your facts than they would have been if you had started there. Some other possibilities include offering resources (such as books, organizations, or specific people) or adding a personal anecdote. There is simply no one recipe for success as a peace team. ―One cup inter- positioning mixed in with equal amounts of CLARA and a pinch of modeling is simply not the way it works. We each bring our gifts and limits to the field and what works for one person may not work as well for someone else. Flexibility and creativity are the keys!

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  • This step allows you to share additional information that you want to give the other person.

  • It may help the other person or audience to consider the issue in a new light or redirect the discussion in a more positive direction.

  • This may involve correcting any mistaken facts they mentioned

  • You can do this now because you’ve made a heart connection.

Unfortunately, Most of us tend to start with Step Four, especially if the question or comment is hostile or threatening.

“LARA” materials copyright 1993. Love Makes a Family, Inc. Some materials adapted by Holly Ferise, 1997, and by American Friends Service Committee, 1998. For permission to duplicate, call (503) 228-3892. “C” step attributed to Nonviolent Peaceforce

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